I have dreams

Often, when I am on the verge of waking up, I am dancing between two worlds.  One is of apparent allergens in the air, cedar in particular, making my face feel heavy and the other is a world of deep, deep sleep where unusual scenarios play out and the most curious assortment of people gather.  I have intense dreams.  Just last night, in a world only created in my mind, I had a vivid struggle with someone I love dearly.  Eventually I convinced myself that I must be dreaming and there is no way this scenario would ever play out in reality and if I could just wake myself up, it would all be over.

Some dreams are funny.  Some rattle me to the core.  Sometimes I'm in the dark, something is chasing me and my legs are so heavy that I can't seem to get them to move at all, let alone run with the vigor that's pumping through my veins.

Some dreams I forget almost immediately.  As I make my way downstairs to start the morning coffee, the dream dissipates like early morning fog.  Other dreams haunt me for days and days.  Dreams I can't shake from my memory and replay in my head with great detail.  These dreams are the dreams that I wish would sometimes leave me be.  These dreams have the ability to knot stomach and rack my brain for hours on end.

The Bible talks a lot about dreams.  Especially in the Hebrew Scriptures, we see that dreams held some sort of significance.  Joseph was an interpreter of dreams.  Many times, it is on the brink of sleep that angels of the Lord appears to say something to God's people.  When the prophet Joel acts as a mouthpiece for God, God says that the old folks will dream dreams and the young will see visions.  I think Joel is talking more about Martin Luther King Jr and John Lennon dreams and less about my nightly wanderings down darklit paths.  And while I share visionary dreams of a world in peace and a world free of oppression, hatred, and war, I also dream dreams that speak to my personal journey.  And I am not the first and I think there is something to be said about that.

When I wake up from one of those gut-wrenching dreams, the kind of dream that I know is going to hold me hostage for the day, I've had the tendency to grit my teeth and fight through those dreams.  I've been one to wait for the tide to subside to return to my sense of normalcy.  However, lately, I'm trying to do a better job of letting my dreams speak to me.  I've been trying to be more proactive about running alongside my dreams instead of being dragged through the mud by them.

These dreams speak to my insecurities.  They speak to, perhaps, my inconsistencies.  Often my fears are played out right before my very eyes and I have to come to terms with what that fear would look like in reality.  These types of dreams speak to the fears that lay dormant inside in my waking self that come raging to life as I rest helplessly in my sleep.  My dreams make me come face-to-face with the fears I mask.

Lately, naming those fears has been a healing practice.  When I face people from my past that have trespassed against me, I am learning to lean into forgiveness.  When I face the personality traits of myself that I am most afraid of, I am learning how to be delivered from the evil that rests inside of my soul.  Healing comes when we can face our fears and when we can let go of those insecurities that we hold onto so tightly.

I have dreams.  But I believe God's desire for us is to see how those dreams speak into our waking lives.  We have the opportunity to see where there is a space for healing and to work towards wholeness and repair.